The daily realities of caring for a family can be far from glamorous… diaper changing, cleaning, scheduling, transporting, owie bandaging. Luckily, this Mother’s Day feature (from Church on the Move. The video is not religious.) turns the daily grind into musical wonderment. The new lyrics are very clever and spot on, and the whole thing is just delightful. What a production! My only critique would be that they didn’t show fathers sharing responsibilities…then again, is was made for Mothers Day! All parents deserve a big pat on the back for the amazing work they do to raise new generations. It may be difficult to put on a resume, but it’s one of the worlds biggest, most challenging, and most rewarding jobs. Cheers!
Monthly Archive for August, 2011
Dr. Susan Heitler recently appeared on ABC News with Diane Sawyer to discuss a new study from Ohio State University. The study found that changes in your relationship—specifically, marriage and divorce—can cause unhealthy changes in your weight. Previous studies on women, men and relationships have shown that marriage causes weight gain, and divorce causes weight loss. This new research reveals details about the effects and shows that divorce actually leads to weight gain.
Women tend to gain weight after marriage, while the combination of men and relationships is more complicated. Men gain less weight than women, and sometimes become healthier. This may be because women start taking on the responsibilities of running the household, including raising children, and find less time to take care of their health. Men, on the other hand, are more likely to participate in healthful behaviors such as doctors’ check-ups and better eating once they are no longer bachelors.
Divorce also leads to increased Body Bass Index (BMI). For men and relationships, divorce means the undoing of the health benefits of marriage and they may fall into old bad habits of singledom.
marriage and divorce can lead to weight gain
Dr. Heitler noted for the abcNews.com article that both events are times of immense life change and extreme emotions. Emotional exhaustion and stress may make it difficult to muster up the energy to be physically active. In addition, emotional eating may kick in. Depression, for example, is common after divorce. “There’s an impulse to self-soothe with food combined with a drop in self-control that comes with depression or grieving,” Heitler said. “People will think, ‘Not only do I feel like eating a candy bar, but I just don’t have the will power to say no.'”
Eating out of joy is also emotional eating. Newlywed couples may find themselves celebrating, sharing more meals together, and reflecting the happiness of their union in food. Men and relationships may also influence women to eat more like their husbands in terms of quantity and kind.
The solution? Pay attention to your body. Don’t let your focus on your health slip during emotional times of transition, says dietitian Keri Glassman. “Be aware and be mindful of all the different lifestyle factors going on for you at the time.”
Dr. Martin Luther King advised us to “never succumb to the temptation of bitterness,” and boy, was he right. Forgiving infidelity and other wrongs is one of the hardest things to do, and at the same time, it may just help you live longer. A new book, “Embitterment: Societal, psychological, and clinical perspectives,” reviews years of research on bitterness that shows not only is it unproductive from a social, emotional and spiritual perspective, but takes a devastating toll on our physical health.
Today’s CNN article opens with the story of a young college student who was tormented because of his race. The stress and bitterness he held towards the injustice eventually led to sleeping problems and panic attacks. Finally, he landed in the hospital and was found to have a dangerous condition of thickened heart muscles—one of the leading causes of heart-related sudden death in people under 30. It wasn’t until this young man was able to move on and release his bitterness that he recovered physically.
How can a mental state have so much impact on our bodies?
When we feel negatively towards another person, our brains trigger the release of stress hormones. This is a very effective mechanism for dealing with real danger situations. It prepares our bodies to attack, defend or flee from a potential threat. However, when these hormones flood the body for a long period of time, the stress begins to do some real damage. Heightened blood pressure endangers the heart, and chemicals such as C-reactive protein further weaken the heart and other body systems. Irritability, sleeping problems, anxiety and depression also often occur.
The journey of marriage is wonderful and opens the doors to some of life’s greatest joys. At the same time, bitterness is one of the biggest marriage problems couples have. Unspoken tensions, jealousies, pet peeves, family drama… all of us experience some kind of event in our relationship that could spark bitterness. Suspected or acknowledged cheating often puts the greatest strain on a marriage. So how do we move beyond bitterness and get to forgiving infidelity?
1. Grieve
Give yourself the time to grieve your loss. An infidelity is a huge blow to the foundations of your reality, and it is painful. Acknowledge that you feel this pain, that you are hurt, and that things are going to be difficult. Recognizing your feelings helps to soften them eventually and will get you ready for forgiving infidelity.
2. Seek solidarity
Read the news, talk to a friend, or find a support group. Realize that many people are going through what you are right now, and many experience worse. This in no way delegitimizes the pain you are feeling—it should give you a sense of strength and perspective to your emotions.
3. Talk it out
It is essential to talk to the person that hurt you if you are going down the path of forgiving infidelity. Communicate with your spouse openly and honestly about how you feel. At the same time, try to understand the other person’s underlying concerns and mental state. This isn’t an excuse—it is an explanation. Understanding will help you to reach a calm common ground.
4. Think of your health
Keep this article in mind. Realize how much damage you are doing to your body and mind by not forgiving infidelity. You have a right to your feelings…you also have the right to have a long, healthy, happy life regardless of other’s unjust activities. After all, “living well is the best revenge,” (George Herbert).
I also suggest calming activities such as yoga, meditation, prayer, or other mindful activity. These can reverse the effects of stress.
How about it? Do you find bitterness (and it’s ugly siblings, Regret and Envy) dominating your life? How do you deal with it? Share your tips and stories about forgiving infidelity and more!
There are many jokes about the different ways in which we can potentially insult the women in our lives…don’t tell her she’s gained weight it usually #1. These may be stereotypes about women’s sensitivities, but they bring up a good point about how to communicate with your spouse (male or female). Sharing and honesty is always a number 1 key in any relationship, and at the same time, tact is equally important. PO2 has a nice segment about how to say things tactfully, and you can check that out here.
It’s easy to be blunt with people who we know intimately; after all, you spend your lives together and have very few boundaries between you. At the same time, our marriages often start to run on automatic after so many years, and this can be fertile ground for unintentional negative slip ups and hurt feelings. Here’s a good mental exercise for communication: step outside your marriage for a moment. Would you say this thing to your wife if she wasn’t your wife, but a close friend? Would you do (or not do) this certain thing to your husband if you were just married? Try using this to get a little distance to your relationship and get a good long look at your spouse as a unique individual.
Also try making note of how you spouse reacts to personal comments you make about him or her. When you talk, you should be fully present and listening to what your spouse has to say and other non-verbal forms of communication. If something feels off, ask if you said something that upset them.
Ok, seriousness over! Enjoy this funny video by comedian Tim Hawkins about the things you don’t say to your wife (or husband, for that matter!).
Lyrics:
Things You Don’t Say To Your Wife Lyrics
Tim Hawkins
Hey honey have you gained some weight in your rear-end?
That dress you wear reminds me of my old girlfriend
And where’d you get those shoes? I think they’re pretty lame
Would you stop talking ’cause I’m trying to watch the game
If you’re a man who wants to live a long and happy life
These are the things you don’t say to your wife
I planned a hunting trip next week on your birthday
I didn’t ask you ’cause I knew it’d be OK
Go make some dinner while I watch this fishing show
I taped it over our old wedding video
If you’re a man who wants to live a long and happy life
These are the things you don’t say to your wife
Your cooking is OK but not like mother makes
The diamond in the ring I bought you is a fake
Your eyes look puffy dear, are you feeling ill?
Happy anniversary I bought you a treadmill
If you’re a man who wants to live a long and happy life
These are the things you don’t say to your wife
If your a man who doesn’t want to get killed with a knife
These are the things you don’t say to your wife
Ever notice how Hollywood movies always end in divorce reconciliation? Two recent releases, “Mr. Popper’s Penguins” and “Stupid Crazy Love,” have this as their underlying theme. In both movies, estranged spouses reunite after they work out their differences and realize they’re still in love. No relationship problem seems too big for Hollywood to overcome. On Tuesday abcNews.com brought up an interesting conversation of the pros and cons of the fairy-tale happy ending and the effects of divorce on children.
So called “comedies of remarriage” have been around since the 1930s, but the most famous and influential is The Parent Trap (1961), which has been remade several times. Interestingly, most of these movies cater to children and perhaps reflect the growing normalcy of divorce in children’s live. The effects of divorce on children are difficult, and many often long for parents to get back together. According to psychology professor Christy Buchanan of Wakeforest University, this type of fantasy wish fulfillment can be dangerous. “It’s not unusual for kids to have fantasies of reconciliation,” she says, ”So to the extent that Hollywood perpetuates the notion that this can happen for kids who are experiencing this type of longing, that could be difficult for families.”
In other words, it creates false hope and false expectations that can make the experience of divorce even harder on children. Remarriage after divorce is extremely rare and often ends in another divorce. By focusing on nostalgia, these stories worsen the effects of divorce on children by preventing kids and families from moving on and accepting change as a potentially good thing.
At the same time, other psychologists and experts disagree. “Hollywood is about fantasy and happy endings, and the downside of disappointment is more than offset by the uplift of hope,” says psychologist and author Dr. Robert Epstein. There’s nothing wrong with a little escape into a fairy-tale ending, he argues. Children are smart, and can separate reality from fantasy.
So what’s the alternative to reconciliation fantasies? Some movies have gotten it right. “Mrs. Doubtfire” (1993), for example, shows a divorced couple negotiating their new situation and a father (Robbin Williams) making a concerted—and hilarious—effort to remain a part of his children’s lives. This more accurately reflects the possible positive outcome of a divorce situation.
Power of Two strives to prevent divorce in marriages that can be saved with a little be bit of TLC, lots of dedication, and skill building. We believe a healthy marriage is a positive and beneficial thing for everyone. At the same time, whether or not a divorce has occurred, what’s important is to show parents treating each other respectfully and lovingly. (Best of all, treating everyone with love and respect). Movies that show couples working through their differences and setting a positive example for their children-whatever their relationship-are good! Knowing that mom and dad still like each other despite their reasons for divorce, and are happy to be part of their kids’ lives, will help lessen the negative effects of divorce on children.
Every couple is bound to feel a little jittery on their wedding day. For some grooms, the stress proves too much. For today’s video, an oldie and a goodie: the fainting grooms montage. Perhaps it’s the gravity of the occasion; perhaps he just isn’t quite…ready for marriage; perhaps it’s all those hundreds of people all staring at HIM! Under stress the automatic response is to shut down and lights out…sometimes we have no control over our bodies.
Fainting grooms is one of our graphic designer Clay’s favorite funny wedding videos and “made him fall in love with youtube” back in the day. I think the best thing is the soundtrack; the background music really makes it. And it’s a good reminder: you wedding may be a disaster, but it’s the marriage that happens after that counts.
Enjoy the fainting grooms! Hopefully your wedding ceremony wasn’t as stress-inducing as these couples’ were. And hopefully no grooms were injured in the making of this video.
Stay tuned for more funny wedding videos and other treats next monday!
Hey all! I’m trying out using Mondays to post videos, pictures and other media in addition to the two weekly writing posts. These will be funny, moving, surprising…interesting short media-essays about a different theme each week. I’m starting out with this sweet marriage proposal video. What a touching amount of effort! Remember to add love, creativity, adventure, and silliness to your marriage at all points in your relationship!
